The Cure By Robert Kuhn Scene 1 Schoolroom Teacher talking to students; bell rings and summer vacation begins. Scene 2 Erik meets boys talking on the street. BOY #1 Hey! Erika! BOY #2 How s your new boyfriend next door? ERIK He's not next door, he's behind me. I ain't never even seen him. BOY #2 I ain't never even seen him. BOY #1 Who are your neighbors then? Gomer Pyle and his brother Goober? ERIK Eat shit. BOY #1 What was that? Hey, come back here faggot! Hey, I said come back here! Scene 3 Erik walks home from school. Scene 4 Erik is playing with war toys; hears coughing. ERIK Who's there? DEXTER Are you asking me? ERIK Are you spying on me? DEXTER No. I m working on my mud fort. What are you doing? ERIK Planting vegetables. Hey, thanks for moving in here. Now the kids at school call me "faggot" and walk on the other side of the hall. DEXTER I have to live somewhere. ERIK Yeah, well why don't you go inside until I get done working on my garden. DEXTER Why? ERIK So I don't have to worry about catching something and dying! DEXTER It can't be transmitted through the air. ERIK Yeah, well, just to be on the safe side, I think you should go inside. DEXTER But I m working on my mud fort. (Erik walks towards the fence). ERIK Hey! What would you do if I come over there and whooped your ass? DEXTER How long would that take? ERIK About ten seconds. DEXTER I would wait until you were finished and then I'd continue working on my mud fort. ERIK You mean you'd just let me beat you up? DEXTER I'd try to stop you, but I probably wouldn't be able to. I m not very big. ERIK Well in that case it would only take five seconds. DEXTER So is that what you're gonna do? ERIK Maybe later. (Erik walks away from the fence). DEXTER Hello. Are you still there? Scene 5 Dexter's mother returns home. DEXTER'S MOTHER God! (Drops bag full of groceries) Oh shit! You son of a bitch. I warned you what would happen if you got all dirty again. (Dexter and his mother chase each other and wrestle to the ground laughing). Scene 6 Erik is playing a TV video game. ERIK'S MOTHER There s some boys outside playing baseball. If you made the effort to get to know them...maybe they're nice. Oh, I m gonna go out with some girls from the office tonight so cook yourself a dinner in the microwave. You know, have you thought anymore about Colorado? ERIK I m not going to camp. ERIK'S MOTHER You know, but if you just gave it chance you'd meet some nice friends. ERIK Why can't I go see Dad? ERIK'S MOTHER Well, call him. If he says yes, I'll put you on the next plane. Go ahead. You know, you and his little friend, Cindy, could go to the movies and get in for half price. ERIK She's twenty three Mom. ERIK'S MOTHER Oh amazing. Old enough to drink. ERIK Yeah, but she doesn't. Erik's mother turns off the video game. ERIK Man, I was on world eight! ERIK'S MOTHER You know it s not good to spend too much time with these games. Scene 7 Erik is making dinner in the kitchen. (microwaved candy bars!) Scene 8 Dexter's mother is tucking him in to bed. DEXTER'S MOTHER All right, I got nothing against going fishing but I m not touching the worms. DEXTER I'll take care of the worms. DEXTER'S MOTHER I'll take care of the worms. DEXTER I will. DEXTER'S MOTHER Yeah, let s see about that. Goodnight. DEXTER Got ya first! Scene 9 Erik is eating candy bars for dinner. Scene 10 Erik is throwing a baseball against the wall. Scene 11 Erik and Dexter are talking to each other from different sides of the fence. DEXTER They ended up giving me two pints of blood. I guess that s a lot for a baby. ERIK My grandmother says you re going to hell. She says you'll suffer eternal torture from a billion flames hotter than the center of the sun. DEXTER Then she must be some kind of genius. ERIK What? DEXTER Well, my doctor is really smart. And he says he has no idea what happens to people after they die. If your grandmother knows, she must be a genius. ERIK She's a clerk at K-Mart. DEXTER Maybe she's just an under- achiever. ERIK No, she's an idiot. DEXTER So maybe I won't go to hell after all. ERIK Are you sure those germs of yours don't travel through the air? DEXTER Yeah, why? (Erik comes to the other side of the fence). ERIK How old are you? DEXTER Eleven. ERIK Jesus, you re a midget. DEXTER Well, if you look at the lower limit of what s considered normal for my age, I m only four inches shorter. ERIK Oh. DEXTER So, do you know how to play battleship? Scene 12 Dexter and Erik are playing Battleship together. ERIK G-9. DEXTER Miss. ERIK Damn! Are you sure? DEXTER Yep. D-7. ERIK Miss. (Erik and Dexter play various games together--most are violent and deal with death, war and destruction. Dexter's watch alarm goes off). DEXTER I have to eat my lunch now. ERIK Why don't you just eat whenever you re hungry? DEXTER Cause if I only ate when I was hungry I wouldn't be here. ERIK Do you wanna go to Peterson's? DEXTER What's that? ERIK It s a supermarket. Food. You got any money? DEXTER In my bedroom. What should we do with him? ERIK You wanna burn him? Scene 13 Dexter gets money from his bedroom. ERIK Woah! Where did you get it all? DEXTER Allowance. And fines. ERIK Fines? DEXTER It s a little hard to explain. ERIK This is great! Since I know where the store is, I'll be the navigator and you be treasurer. DEXTER What does the treasurer do? ERIK Carries all the money and pays for things. DEXTER I m supposed to pay for both of us? ERIK Well I m navigating for both of us--you want to be fair don't ya? DEXTER How far is Peterson's? ERIK Why? DEXTER If I walk too far I get kind of tired. Scene 14 Erik and Dexter are going down the river on a raft. DEXTER It seems to me the depth of the water would be the key. Obviously in the middle of the ocean a shark would win, and on dry land the lion would win. So how much water are we talking about? ERIK Two and a half feet. DEXTER And how big is the shark? ERIK Eleven feet. DEXTER I still say that the lion would win. ERIK Wrong! DEXTER How can you be sure? ERIK Cause they did research on it at Stanford University. The shark won easily. DEXTER They just let two animals kill each other at a college? ERIK No you idiot! They just had them fight long enough to see who was gonna win, and then the trainers pulled them apart. DEXTER How? ERIK Haven t you ever heard of a leash? DEXTER Never heard of a shark with a leash. ERIK Well, there s a lot of things you've never heard of. DEXTER Yeah, I guess that s true. ERIK Hold on! DEXTER My mom says that every drop of water that lands in the water here eventually ends up in the Mississippi. ERIK That means it goes to my dad. He's still in New Orleans. DEXTER What does he do? ERIK You ever heard of a rock group called Led Zeppelin? DEXTER No. ERIK Well, they re really famous. Do you know who the guitar player is? DEXTER Your dad? ERIK No. A guy named Jimmy Page. My dad sold him his car insurance...for a Pontiac TransAm. Scene 15 Peterson's supermarket. ERIK Know what you re gonna get? DEXTER I don't know. It s been a long time since I had any candy. My Mom has me eating lots of vegetables. ERIK C mere. (Erik opens candy bar for Dexter). DEXTER We allowed to do this? ERIK Of course. How else are you supposed to know what you re gonna get? DEXTER Hmm. Wow! ERIK Not bad, huh? Well, get out your money. Scene 16 Erik and Dexter are coming home from Peterson's. MAN Hey, get out of the road! Go on now! ERIK Asshole! DEXTER Three degrees to the right. And fire. ERIK You missed. BOY #2 Hey, how much did you pay for that faggot? BOY #1 Hey, you guys just took a wrong turn. This is a no homo zone. ERIK I ain't a homo! And neither is he. He got it from a blood transfusion. BOY #1 Well then what s that awful smell? ERIK Well, you see we were walking across the grass and we accidentally stepped in your mother. BOY #1 What d you say? ...Can t hit us all with that. ERIK I'll only be aiming at you. BOY #1 C'mon then. ERIK Hey, what about your little brother, huh? BOY #1 What about him? ERIK When he fell off the jungle school at school. They had to take him to the hospital. He could have caught something then. BOY #2 Yeah, but he didn't. ERIK But he could've. Then everybody d be calling him faggot and queer! And he d get sick and die! And they d write homo on his headstone! Then when your mother went to bring him flowers she d see little Eddie Horner Homo! And you know what the worst part about it would be? Probably before he died a bunch of assholes like you who ain't sick thought it might be fun to just beat the shit out of him! BOY #3 C'mon Allen, let s beat it. BOY #1 Sorry your sick. DEXTER Thanks. Erik throws the rock. DEXTER What d you do that for? BOY #1 Get him! ERIK So long faggots! You crazy fagsters! DEXTER Don t you think we should slow down! ERIK How? DEXTER Any way would be fine! ERIK Hey! DEXTER Get out of the way! ERIK Move it! DEXTER Move your ass! ERIK Oh god! DEXTER Oh no! ERIK Oh god! Hold on! Hold on! Go! MAN Hey, stop! ERIK Go! MAN Watch it! Crazy kids! ERIK Say they really think I m a faggot. Now all of a sudden I m yelling the same stuff at them. Well they know I m not a faggot because a faggot wouldn't yell faggot back. Now that s who I should yell faggot to. DEXTER Well, this wouldn't be the right thing. ERIK Why the hell not?! DEXTER Well, they were nice to me at the hospital. They played games with me... ERIK You played games with Homos?! DEXTER Let s just talk about something else. ERIK Sometimes I don't know about you! DEXTER What's that supposed to mean?! ERIK Well, nothing ...Well, do wanna play Nintendo? DEXTER No. I m getting kinda tired. I think I should go take a nap. ERIK Well uh, we should work on the mud fort tomorrow. You want to? DEXTER Okay. Scene 17 Erik is eating dinner at with his mother. ERIK'S MOTHER Leave it. ERIK Why can't I eat in the living room? ERIK'S MOTHER I don't get home for dinner that often and when I do, I want us to eat together. That s part of being a family, isn't it?...You know some women saw that little AIDS boy down at Peterson's yesterday. ERIK It s in the newspaper? ERIK'S MOTHER No. Jan told me. You know, I've seen him in the backyard there, but I didn't know he left the house. ERIK The other day I heard him coughing . ERIK'S MOTHER Hmm? ERIK I said I heard him coughing . ERIK'S MOTHER Oh, I don't think you have to worry about anything. You know with that fence there, you re not going to catch anything. ERIK What if he wants to come over and play? ERIK'S MOTHER Oh Erik, think of some excuse. You re so good at that. ERIK What if I bump into him out in the street? ERIK'S MOTHER Well, it s common sense. You just keep a safe distance. ERIK What's a safe distance? Scene 18 Erik and Dexter are sitting on the porch. ERIK Seven feet. Guess that rules out sleepovers. DEXTER My mom wants you to come to dinner. ERIK Well, my mom s working late so...it s cool. DEXTER Well, then there s something I have to warn you about. ERIK What? DEXTER She likes to call me Sweetie. ERIK Sweetie?! DEXTER You gotta promise not to laugh. Scene 19 Erik has dinner with Dexter and his mother. DEXTER'S MOTHER You want some more carrots Sweetie? DEXTER No thanks. DEXTER'S MOTHER Are we ready for dessert then? DEXTER I'll try a little. DEXTER'S MOTHER Yeah, I'll bet. ERIK You didn't even finish your meatloaf Love Muffins! DEXTER Would you shut up! She'll hear you... ERIK She's not gonna hear me Sweetie! DEXTER Shh! Be quiet! ERIK Don t worry about it Sweetie! She's not gonna hear me! DEXTER'S MOTHER Here we go. Erik is eating ice cream like a pig. DEXTER'S MOTHER Dexter tells me you have a girlfriend. ERIK Yeah, I did, but I had to dump her. Spin. Spin. Spin. DEXTER His father has a girlfriend named Cindy. ERIK Yeah, as soon as they get settled in their new apartment I may be going down there. DEXTER'S MOTHER How does your mom feel about this? ERIK Um...actually we haven t really talked it out much...yet. DEXTER'S MOTHER Hmm Hmm. Well, I'd love to meet her. ERIK She works quite a bit. Twenty, twenty-two hours a day. DEXTER'S MOTHER What does she do? ERIK Uh, real estate. And at night she works at the Mini-Mart. You know, the one downtown. DEXTER Twenty-five cents! Gottchya! DEXTER'S MOTHER Damn! DEXTER Whenever I catch her twirling her hair she has to pay me a quarter. DEXTER'S MOTHER Twenty-five cents, Miss! ERIK Uh, are you gonna finish that? DEXTER Oh...um... DEXTER'S MOTHER Uh, well, the doctors say it s completely safe, Erik, but when it comes to other people s children, we've decided, um, not to take any chances. ERIK Forgot. I've got a plan. Just as soon as they find a cure, we re heading out to Baskin Robbins and order one of those monster sundaes where everybody just digs right in! DEXTER'S MOTHER That s a good plan. Excuse me. ERIK What is it? DEXTER She's afraid that they might not find a cure in time. Scene 20 Erik and Dexter are playing outside. ERIK Bonzai! DEXTER Oh my god! He's afraid of heights. ERIK Oh. Hey, what if they don't find a cure? DEXTER I m sure they will eventually. ERIK But what if they re looking in the wrong place? DEXTER What d ya mean? ERIK Well, have you ever seen that movie, Medicine Man? Scene 21 Erik and Dexter are watching Medicine Man . WOMAN We've found the cure for cancer and all you can say is, I know? ...What is it? MAN Vermilion. The flower. DEXTER You want me to start eating flowers? ERIK Shh! MAN I came here six years ago. Why? A freak tribe.... ERIK We re not going to worry about what...flowers and leaves...maybe even pine cones. It can't hurt to try. DEXTER My mom has me eating lots of vegetables, especially broccoli. ERIK I'll I ever eat is candy and I never get sick. Hey, that s it! Somebody gets sick and all they eat is fruits and vegetables. What's the one thing they stop eating? Scene 22 Erik and Dexter make the Periodic Table of Candies. DEXTER This is stupid. ERIK About fifty years ago a doctor noticed some mold was growing on his bread. He started feeding it to people. Everybody said, This is stupid. You what it turned out to be? Aspirin. (Erik takes Dexter's temperature). ERIK It s still a hundred-point- two. How are ya feeling? DEXTER Okay. ERIK Let s try Butterfinger combined with Bubblicious. DEXTER I m not so sure I understand why you can try all of this stuff, too. ERIK Don t you know anything about scientific method? DEXTER A little. ERIK Well, you have to have a control group, so you can see if the results are uniform. DEXTER Are you the control group? ERIK Yep. Scene 23 Erik gets sick because he ate to much candy. Scene 24 Erik goes to Dexter's house. DEXTER'S MOTHER Hello there. ERIK Is Dexter here? DEXTER'S MOTHER Yes, he is, but he's grounded. ERIK Why? DEXTER'S MOTHER Because he used up all his money buying candy. ERIK Oh. DEXTER'S MOTHER Hmm. ERIK Okay. How long is he grounded for? DEXTER'S MOTHER Until tomorrow. ERIK Okay. DEXTER'S MOTHER What's that? ERIK Uh, we were going to play submarines. DEXTER'S MOTHER Well, grounded is grounded so you re going to have to wait until tomorrow. ERIK I understand. DEXTER'S MOTHER Just a minute--okay? Dexter, get your ass down here! DEXTER Why? DEXTER'S MOTHER Cause I m changing your punishment. You have to play with Erik. DEXTER Thanks Mom. ERIK Grab yourself a paddle. DEXTER'S MOTHER Watch the flowers! Scene 25 Dexter and Erik walk to the river. ERIK How are you feeling? DEXTER Terrible. ERIK I suppose eating candy was a stupid idea...Hey, what d'ya think of this one? DEXTER I m wondering about something. Where do bugs go to the bathroom? ERIK It s not on leaves. DEXTER How can you be sure? ERIK Because bugs eat leaves. Not even bugs are stupid enough to shit on their own food. Well, what do you say? Scene 26 Erik makes Dexter "medicine" from plants. ERIK Go ahead. DEXTER Hmm...Oh...Tastes like crap! ERIK No shit. Don t you know where bugs go to the bathroom? (Erik adds sugar to the medicine ). DEXTER Sweetened crap. Scene 27 Erik and Dexter collect plants. DEXTER It looks too weird. ERIK You can't be afraid to try. DEXTER I m afraid to touch it. Scene 28 Erik is cataloging leaves when Dexter's mother comes home. ERIK How do ya feel? DEXTER Okay...She's here! DEXTER'S MOTHER Dexter? Dexter and Erik scare Dexter's mother. DEXTER'S MOTHER Shit! You got me...Dexter, is your friend Erik staying for dinner again? DEXTER Walla! ERIK That means "yes" white woman. DEXTER'S MOTHER Okay. Hey Allie. Scene 29 Dexter, his mother, and Erik go shopping. DEXTER Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! DEXTER'S MOTHER Settle down!_ Go get some yogurt. Dexter yells and jumps off the shopping cart. DEXTER'S MOTHER You guys are like very wound up today. Did Dexter take his nap? ERIK Coo Coo. (Dexter's mother kisses Erik on the head). Scene 30 Dexter, his mother, and Erik are eating dinner. DEXTER'S MOTHER Come on Sweetie. It s okay. Come on. (Dexter's mother carries Dexter to bed). DEXTER Sorry. ERIK Good night. Scene 31 Erik leaves Dexter's house. DEXTER'S MOTHER He should be fine. Why don't you come back tomorrow? ERIK Okay. Good night. DEXTER'S MOTHER Good night. ERIK Shit! Notebook. (Erik goes back to Dexter's house to get his notebook and sees Dexter's mother sitting on the stairs crying). Scene 32 Erik comes home. ERIK'S MOTHER Where've you been? ERIK I thought you weren't.... ERIK'S MOTHER I asked you a question. ERIK Uh, Gordie Johnson asked me if I wanted to go to the mall with him. And uh, I didn't think you'd mind. ERIK'S MOTHER Is um, is that that doctor s boy? ERIK Yeah. ERIK'S MOTHER Well, uh, you really...you should have left a note for me...Hmm. You know, maybe Gordon would like to go with us to see the fireworks. ERIK Maybe. Scene 33 Erik and Dexter are buying candy bars at the supermarket. WOMAN These are pennies. There s one, two....three, that s a dime isn't it? Oh dear. ERIK There! WOMAN Oh, thank you very much. DEXTER Erik! ERIK What? Dexter shows Erik a newspaper with the headline, New Orleans Doctor Finds Cure For Aids. ERIK Oh my god. Scene 34 Erik reads newspaper article aloud. ERIK The mysterious Dr. Fishburn derives the extract from a plant found deep in the Louisiana Bayou, at a backwater location here that he refuses to reveal. I knew it was a plant. DEXTER It says that the government is trying to suppress his findings. ERIK The bastards! DEXTER Why would they do that? ERIK Because they re embarrassed. I mean, think of all the money they spend each year and this Dr. Fishburn guy goes out in his backyard in his underwear one morning and picks up the cure for AIDS. Hey, maybe your mom could drive us down there. Scene 35 Erik and Dexter ask Dexter's mother to drive them to New Orleans. ERIK It s right here! DEXTER'S MOTHER Look, I don't want you to waste anything because something like this cannot happen and if it does then Dr. Jensen is gonna know about it before the National.... ERIK ...Examiner. DEXTER Why don't we call him. DEXTER'S MOTHER No! Why don't we wait until your next appointment and you can ask him then. This if for after lunch. Oh, like I didn't see that! Scene 36 Erik and Dexter make their plan. DEXTER You said your dad lives in New Orleans, right? ERIK Yeah. DEXTER Well, maybe he can get some of that secret extract and mail it to us. ERIK Maybe it s already here. Scene 37 Erik and Dexter go back to the "scary" looking plant. DEXTER That one again? ERIK Yep. DEXTER I just don't like it. ERIK Look at that thing! If that don't look like a plant from the bayou, then I don't know bayous! Scene 38 Dexter tries the new medicine. DEXTER Oh...this is the worst yet. ERIK Well grandma says that the worst it tastes the better it works. DEXTER Your K-Mart clerk grandma? ERIK Drink! Scene 39 The ambulance comes for Dexter. DEXTER'S MOTHER I need to talk to Erik. There s some kind of...kind of leaf that he took in today... ERIK'S MOTHER Erik has something to do with this? DEXTER'S MOTHER Erik has... ERIK'S MOTHER What are you talking about? Leaves? DEXTER'S MOTHER Erik! Erik! I need to know what you gave Dexter today. I need to know what kind of leaf you gave him. It s poisonous and he told me that you have it written down in a notebook. ERIK Here s the one! It says Down by the river. DEXTER'S MOTHER Down by the river. Where...this one? ERIK Right where the bridge crosses! Dexter's mother goes to the hospital in the police car. ERIK'S MOTHER Back inside. (Erik's mother grabs his head and slaps him) What were you thinking? What?! Tell me! Tell me! Huh?! Not measles. Not chicken pox. AIDS! What were you trying to do, huh? What are you trying to do? Kill us both? Huh?! There s gonna be some big changes around here. Big changes! Erik's mother is talking to Dexter's mother on the telephone. ERIK'S MOTHER Well, I don't really care what you think! I don't want him over here. I don't want my son over there. I don't care that they re friends. I don't want them associating with each other, period! (Erik's mother hangs up and talks to Erik) Well, he's gonna be fine. Thank god. But his mother is officially on notice. If she allows him to see you I'm gonna have her ass thrown in jail. For you, come Monday morning your ass is going to summer camp. Scene 40 Erik calls his father. ANSWERING MACHINE Hi there. ERIK Hey dad? ANSWERING MACHINE Sorry we missed you. Cindy and I are in Lake Charleston until Tuesday. Call you as soon as we get back. Scene 41 Erik tries to convince Dexter to go to New Orleans with him. DEXTER When we get down there, where are we gonna sleep? What are we going to eat? ERIK We don't gotta worry about that. I already talked to my dad and he said we could stay with him. I might even be able to talk him into taking us fishing . DEXTER I can't. ERIK You have to Dex. Tomorrow morning I m outta here! DEXTER I just think she'll be really, really worried. ERIK She's already worried because your sick! And you and I both know that the only thing that is going to make her happy is when we go to New Orleans and Dr. Fishburn has the cure. Scene 42 Erik and Dexter run away from home. DEXTER (In a letter to his mother) "Dear Mom, I've gone with Erik. But I've brought along my medicine so there s no reason to worry. We plan to be careful and sensible. Whatever you do, remember to tape Starwars, eight p.m., channel five. I love you very much. Sincerely, Dexter." Erik and Dexter float down the river. Scene 43 Erik and Dexter on the river. ERIK He's the biggest fish in the world. He weighs over 2,000 pounds. That s why they call him the Sturgeon General. DEXTER What if he decides to tip us over? ERIK He wouldn't do that! One time this kid, he went swimming after eating, and he got a stomach cramp and he started to drown, but the Sturgeon General grabbed by the shirt and put him on the shore! DEXTER How fast do you think we re going? ERIK About three miles an hour. DEXTER How far is it to New Orleans? ERIK About twelve hundred miles. DEXTER How long will it take us to get there? Scene 44 Erik and Dexter try to get a ride down the river. ERIK Hey, where ya headed? MAN #1 Athens! MAN #2 Minneapolis. MAN #3 Memphis. MAN #4 Centralia. MAN #5 Peoria. PONY How much you got? ERIK What? PONY Want a ride you gotta pay for the gas. You know. Where ya heading? ERIK New Orleans. I could give you twenty dollars. PONY Twenty bucks? Man, you wanna go to New Orleans for twenty bucks? I don't know, I think you re gonna have to do better than that. ERIK Forty! That s all I got. JIMMY Hey Pony, you ready to float? PONY Good thing Jimmy. You locked and loaded? JIMMY Yep. PONY All right. ERIK All right. A hundred and sixty two dollars. Check my pockets. DEXTER Erik! Erik! ERIK Shut up Dex! DEXTER No Erik. Look. Look. Look! ERIK Let me handle this, please!...What do you say? Scene 45 Erik and Dexter leave on Pony s boat. ERIK We really took this moron Pony to the cleaners! The money we gave him won't pay for half his gas! DEXTER This boat is from New Orleans. He's on his way home. ERIK Now what makes you think that? (Erik checks the back of the boat) Shit! Scene 46 First night on the boat. ERIK Look how far we've gone....Dex. You awake? Dex. You awake? Dex! Awake? DEXTER What? ERIK I just said, look how far we've gone. About five or six days and we'll be down there. DEXTER Maybe when we stop for gas I should call my mom. ERIK You can't. They'll trace the call. We'll probably in Iowa about one tomorrow afternoon. Dex? Scene 47 Second day on the boat. ERIK Get up! C'mon get up! DEXTER Why? ERIK Get up! Get up! Get up! DEXTER I m too tired. ERIK No you re not. You re just bored. C'mon! C'mon! Scene 48 Erik and Dexter go below deck. ERIK They don't have Battleship. They don't have Monopoly. They don't even have a deck of cards....Wait a minute. DEXTER What is it? (Erik and Dexter are look at Playboy magazine). DEXTER Are you sure these girls are real? ERIK Of course they re real. DEXTER I've never seen anyone that looks like this before. My mom sure doesn't. ERIK These aren't moms. These are women. This is what they re supposed to look like. DEXTER How do you know they re not computer animation? ERIK Do computer animations like walks on the beach? Do computer animations enjoy classical music? DEXTER She was born in 1975. ERIK She doesn't look that old....Holy shit! (Erik finds money in the magazine) There's gotta be three hundred dollars here! DEXTER We should put it back. ERIK Why? DEXTER They might think we re down here trying to steal it. ERIK They don't even know we re down here. (The boys here a noise and put the money back). DEXTER They re here. ERIK Don t give it to me! Scene 49 Boat stops to pick up girls. ANGEL Hey! Where the hell have you been? I've been waiting all day! ERIK Oh my god! PONY Who's this? ANGEL A friend of mine. GIRL #2 Hi. ANGEL Now be nice! Scene 50 Erik and Dexter talk to Angel. ANGEL Could you put some of this on my back? DEXTER Are you a model? ANGEL No. DEXTER What's your name? ANGEL Angel. DEXTER You misspelled your tattoo. It doesn't say Angel it says Angle. ANGEL Uh, I m aware of that now. Scene 51 Water skiing behind the boat. ERIK Looks fun with two people, doesn't it? Scene 52 Planning a party on the boat. GIRL #2 God, you guys make me sick. JIMMY I just want to get smashed, you know that. PONY I was thinking we could just silly voo zoo play right here. JIMMY Say what? PONY Well, let the good times roll my man....Couple of those cool ones...fire up that grill...we got some of them steaks. ERIK Yeah, make mine a T-bone. Scene 53 Erik and Dexter spend the night on shore. ERIK This sucks! PONY Hey boys--how are them T- bones? ERIK Damn it! This isn't fair! PONY What? ERIK I said this sucks! DEXTER We should set up the tent before it gets dark. Scene 54 Erik wakes up Dexter. ERIK Hey, it s just me....Oh shit! You pissed all over your sleeping bag. DEXTER No, it s sweat. ERIK Sweat? Well, you re shivering. How can you be sweating when your cold? DEXTER I don't know. I just do. ERIK C mere, we'll get you in these clothes and into my sleeping bag. DEXTER Thanks. ERIK Were you having a nightmare or something? DEXTER No. ERIK What's the matter? DEXTER It happens sometimes. When I wake up and it s dark. Astronomers believe that the universe is 18 billion light years across. ERIK So? DEXTER Suppose you kept going another 18 billion light years. What if there s nothing out there? Suppose you kept going another trillion times further. So far out you see nothing. Because the light from the universe would be fainter than the faintest star. Infinitely cold. Infinitely black. Sometimes, if I wake up, and it s dark, I get really scared. Like I m out there. And I m never coming back. ERIK Here (gives Dexter his shoe) Hold on to this while you sleep. And if you wake up and you re scared, you'll say, Wait a minute. I m holding Erik's shoe. Why the hell would I be holding some smelly basketball shoe a trillion light years from the universe? I must be here on earth safe in my sleeping bag, and Erik must be close by. DEXTER Guess it s worth a try. ERIK Want me to leave the lantern on? Scene 55 Next morning. ERIK Come on! We gotta get out of here! PONEY Go back to sleep! ERIK It s nine o clock! When I gave you the money you said we re going straight to New Orleans. ANGEL Well if you get there a couple of days later it s not going to kill you! ERIK Shut up! Angel! PONY Hey! You shut up you little shit! You want me to swim over there and knock you on your ass? ERIK How long before you run out of pills? DEXTER Three more days. Scene 56 Erik swims to the boat to steal the money. Scene 57 Erik and Dexter start hiking. ERIK Over there. That way. DEXTER Are you sure? Scene 58 Boys get a ride hitchhiking. Scene 59 At the bus station. ERIK Here s something to eat. DEXTER I m not hungry. ERIK Okay. I'll go get the tickets. Scene 60 Erik and Dexter are chased by Pony and Jimmy. PONY Oh boys! I think we need to have a little talk. (Boys continue running) C'mon boys! Listen up, huh? Is this because of the barbecue? ERIK Go! Go! (Erik pushes Dexter through the opening in the fence). PONY Hey! Where s my money? Huh? ERIK It s in my pocket. PONY Open this man! JIMMY I m working on it (Pony and Jimmy climb the fence). PONY You re gonna hurt yourself. You think I don't care? God damn it! JIMMY Told ya! PONY Son of a bitch! ERIK This way--come on! Scene 61 Pony confronts Erik and Dexter. PONY What are you gonna do with that? (Erik pulls out a pocket knife). You gonna give me a manicure or something? Where s my money? Huh?! ERIK We need to go to New Orleans. PONY Oh you need, huh? Y all in over your heads. You understand? (Pony pulls out a knife) If you wanna play with Pony... (Dexter grabs the knife from Erik). ERIK What in the hell are you doing? Are you crazy?! DEXTER I m gonna die anyways, it doesn't matter if he hurts me! PONY You two. What are you talking about? What's he talking about? ERIK He has AIDS! DEXTER You d be crazy to stab me. My blood is like poison. One drop could kill you. PONY Bullshit. (Dexter cuts himself with the knife). JIMMY Hey Pony! (Erik and Dexter start chasing Pony). PONY Jimmy! Jimmy! Get out man! Get the hell out! Let em go! DEXTER My blood is like poison! ERIK Pussies! (Pony and Jimmy run away). DEXTER Like the venom of a cobra. ERIK Pussies! Dex...you re like a damn super hero or something! That was rad. Scene 62 Dexter looks at his blood and sits down. ERIK Here. (Offers Dexter his jacket to wrap his wound). DEXTER No!...No...I m feeling kind of sick. Scene 63 Back at the bus station. ERIK You gonna be all right while I go get the tickets? DEXTER Yeah. ERIK You cold? (Checks to see if Dexter has a fever). DEXTER No. ERIK What's the matter? DEXTER My blood is poison. ERIK You have a virus, Dex. You re gonna be exactly like everyone else as long as someone finds the cure. DEXTER Dr. Fishburn has the cure. Scene 64 Erik and Dexter on the bus. Scene 65 Dexter's mother is waiting at the gas station. ERIK Here we go. DEXTER Are we in New Orleans? ERIK C'mon. DEXTER Where are we? DEXTER'S MOTHER Come here. DEXTER Mom! Sorry. Scene 66 Erik goes to Dexter's house. ERIK I was wondering if I could see Dexter. Scene 67 Dexter's mother takes Erik to the hospital. Scene 68 In Dexter's hospital room. DEXTER As long as I keep throwing up they re going to have to stick this feeding tube up my nose into my stomach. ERIK Sounds gross. DEXTER It hurts. ERIK Doesn't that? DEXTER Not nearly as much. ERIK So you can't eat anything, huh? DEXTER Not right now. ERIK Oh well...that s too bad (hands Dexter Butterfinger candy bars). DEXTER Hey, maybe you can crumble one up and put it into my I.V. ERIK Yeah. You know what? I m gonna see if I can't sneak anymore leaves in here. DEXTER That s okay. Dr. Jensen said that the stuff in the leaves wasn't real. ERIK I know. Your mom told me. DEXTER Hey, look at this. Look at that. ERIK This is you? DEXTER Yeah. ERIK God, you were an ugly baby! Check it out, it s Angel! (Dexter begins coughing) You all right? I like the old man. What's this do? DEXTER This one makes the bed go up. Or down. Scene 69 Dexter and Erik pull their first hospital prank. ERIK (Crying) Come here! He's...he's stopped breathing! NURSE #1 What's the matter? ERIK (Crying) I was just talking to him and he stopped....he's dead. (Nurse #2 checks for a heart beat). NURSE #1 I m sorry honey. I guess we all knew this was coming. ERIK No! Dexter wakes up and screams, scaring the nurses. NURSE #2 Not funny! Not even a little bit! DEXTER Guess we all knew this was coming. Scene 70 Erik waits for his mother to leave for work. Scene 71 Dexter's hospital room. ERIK By the power invested in me, I hereby order that the execution begin. DR. JENSEN Well, feeling better I guess. Yeah, you must be Erik. So I guess your road to the Nobel Prize hit a few potholes? ERIK More like the Grand Canyon. DR. JENSEN Okay, let s open wide and say Ah. Does that hurt when you talk? Well, let s see that hairy chest. ERIK He knows he's dying. DR. JENSEN What? ERIK We tricked the nurses into thinking that he was dead and Nurse Murphy said that everyone knew it was coming. DR. JENSEN So you tricked 'em? ERIK Well, we pretended that Dexter stopped breathing and he jumped up and screamed and scared them. DR. JENSEN She must have hit the roof. ERIK Yeah! Dexter laughed his ass off! DR. JENSEN Well, that s what happened to it. I thought he was just on a diet here. Listen, history is full of very sick people who suddenly, for no reason at all, get better. And when it happens we call it a miracle. From the moment I met you I knew that you are special and that you might be one of those people. Yeah. You know I m telling you the truth, don't you? You can feel that inside, can't you? Just don't let me down, okay? I m counting on you to make me famous! DEXTER Mom. ERIK Mom. Scene 72 Dr. Jensen yells at the nurse. NURSE Well the young boy was upset. DR. JENSEN Well don't you ever, ever, assume that one of my patients is going to die! Scene 73 Erik's house. Scene 74 Dexter and Erik's second hospital prank. ERIK Mister! My friend...he stopped breathing! I think he's dead! DOCTOR Go get a nurse. Doctor checks Dexter and Dexter screams. DOCTOR Oh Shit! Shit! Oh my...Jesus Christ! Oh...Oh you scared the living daylights out of me...Oh and we are amused, are we? I m not laughing...do you see me laughing? No? Okay...Oh Dex...My shift ends at four. Scene 75 Dexter and Erik playing a game with Dexter's mom and the doctor. ERIK Okay, it s my turn. Here comes the breaker. Don t nobody cry. DEXTER'S MOTHER Four! DOCTOR I m terribly impressed. ERIK He gets all the good ones and me, I...I...get... EVERYONE Oh...eleven. ERIK I m good at this game...I just can't win. Scene 76 Erik at home. Erik runs to check Dexter's yard where they play. Scene 77 Dexter's hospital room watching television. DEXTER'S MOTHER This is the twentieth time around, huh? Want anything from the gift shop? No. (Dexter's mother leaves the room). ERIK Are you ready for another victim? You sure? Okay. Scene 78 Dexter and Erik's third hospital prank. ERIK One second (checking the hallway) Doctor! (Starts crying) Doctor! My friend. I think he could be dead and I don't know what to do! Doctor checks Dexter and finds that he really is dead. DOCTOR I m sorry. Scene 79 Dexter's mother drives Erik home. ERIK It s green. DEXTER'S MOTHER (Crying) I m sorry. ERIK I tried so hard. DEXTER'S MOTHER Tried what? ERIK To find the cure. DEXTER'S MOTHER Oh honey. Come here sweetie. You did. You did! Everything that was sad in Dexter's life...you made it go away. Dexter was so happy to have you as his friend. He was so happy. Scene 80 Erik and Dexter's mother return home. DEXTER'S MOTHER I don't know how...there's some of his things that... ERIK'S MOTHER Get out! (Erik's mother pulls him from the car) Not a word! Get in that car! Get your ass in the car now! (Erik's mother starts hitting him). DEXTER'S MOTHER Wait a minute! I want to talk to you. ERIK'S MOTHER I have nothing to say to you. ERIK Mom, you just.... DEXTER'S MOTHER Erik, shut up. I just need to talk to you for a minute inside. Please. Scene 81 Dexter's mother talks to Erik's mother. ERIK'S MOTHER What? DEXTER'S MOTHER I want to tell you two things. The first is Erik's best friend died today and he is going to the funeral. And the second is if you ever lay a hand on that boy again I will kill you! Understand? (Erik's mother leaves the house). ERIK'S MOTHER Let s go. Scene 82 Dexter's funeral. DEXTER'S MOTHER You okay? You take as much time as you want. ERIK Hey. (Erik puts his shoe in Dexter's hands and takes one of his shoes). Dexter's mother walks Erik to the door. ERIK Do you mind if I walk home? DEXTER'S MOTHER Of course not. You re gonna come around and visit every once and a while, aren't you? ERIK Twenty-five cents. Scene 83 Erik puts Dexter's shoe in the river and watches it float away. End